silently.very.slowly.kill.me

what the hack

2005-06-08T11:06:00.000+08:00

madness.

heys.its been a llllllllooooooooooooonnnnnnnnngggg time since i blogged.im right now in australia.in my dad's office.going te harbour town te shop like crazy.they have a huge sale right now.and they're discounts are like 70%?!!!can you belive it?its winter right now.and its really cold at night.but its cooling in the afternoon.sometimes a bit warm.its because of the fuhreaking sun.and right now im like dying to use the f*** word,but im just controlling.its so so fuhreaking tempting.i recieved a testimonial from shawn.but.what da hack.i can't really be bothered anymore.i told myselve.i HAVE te learn te be numb.as in really numb.i gotta be immune to stuff which gets me really really emotional.because most of the time.drinking will not help at all.and of course.i gotta learn te trust God with all my heart.im still in the progress of learning.well.im kinda bored here.feel like just walking out and get a pack.its so tempting.but i will not.hahas.yea right!!nah.im kidding.i won't i dont wanna disappoint rachel.or aiken.or s h a w n.yea.goodness.im dying right now.yeas.see ya.

funeral of my rose.
eclipse.

garbage

2005-04-19T11:33:00.000+08:00

garbage+crap

hey peeps.im now in da school lab.kinda like having life skills lesson.the morning started off like real crap.i was so late fer prayer meeting in da morning.i could'nt feel the flow of God's anointing.great job fer being late diana.as if!!and then i got caught fer my shoes again!!really crappy.li had a whole sacarsm war with shane kwok that f ing bitch.goodness.i can't stand this school anymore!!!arggh.gotta get new shoes taday.im kinda hoping that leslie would like pick me taday or something.im too lazy to go home myself.hahas.but something good happened today i passed by shawn's class and i saw him studying.that's a good sign.haahs.oh well.crap crap crap garbage garbage garbage!!recess is coming.and im like starving.ooh!!!hahas.guess what?yesterday's celebration was awesome!!!hahas.yes.we had dinner at pasta mania and then we had cake.and later we took a neo print!!it was sooooooooooo hilarious!!hahas.i just love my cell peeps.and the best thing is that i saw priscilla yesterday!!!hahas.im soooooo glad i saw her!!and she decided to follow us to church!!hahas.blog later.tatas.=)

sweet anionting.

2005-04-17T21:01:00.000+08:00

sweet anionting.wash me over.

hey precious!!goodness.i haven been blogging like fer centuries!!!hahas.yea.ill like start from yesterday.well well.yesterday.i woke up and blah blah blah.hahas.i met shaunster.had lunch with him at tampines mall food court.he had some fish soup rice or something and i had beef noodles.goodness.it was paradise.hahas.we talk ed alot.alot alot.hahas.after that we went hunting fer pastor mark's cake.hahas.i found out from shayn that pastor mark just ADORES coffee cake.hahas.well well.hmm.hahas.at least now i know what he likes.hahas.yeas.was suppose ta go ta the dance works thingy with marcus and shawn huang.hahs.but i left half way.
i intended ta skip church.i was already sitted.but a voice in me kept telling me ta go ta church.so i din give a shit and flagged a caby ta church.i was glad i did.the message was so power.and i mean super power.jus t awesome!!!God was realy working in the place.he was really moving.yea.after church.i kinda had a quarrel with shawn huang.i don wanna talk about it.i went home then.yea.and i slept.oh yea.i fer got about something yesterday was winter's birthday!!!i love you so much girl!!1smootch.
hahas.
now fer today updates.
i woke up in da morning.and i had tuition fer like half and hour?but i decided ta have a break because i was just so tired.hahs.so i told leslie i wanted a break.hahas.yea.had tuition till quite late.and now im in my granny'se house.hahas.nothing much happened taday.yea.
tat's it/
tatas.=)

Lord.saturate me.
im struggling.
this is my prayer.
carry me Lord.
carry me through Lord.
you're my refuge and my fortress.
Its written in your promise.
in your most precious name i pray.amen.

rain down on me.

2005-04-04T17:41:00.000+08:00

funeral of my rose.

whoa.miss you babies!hahs.im lke sooooooo bored right now.i seriously wanna go fer a fuhreaking tan!!hahas.sentosa is like calling mah name.goodness.im on the phone with my tutor right now.and im not listening ta anything she says.im so mean.but she's speaking in chinese so quickly i can't catch up.has.so i just uh uh uh uh.hahas.oh well.im like so tired.today was the first day im back ta class!i was sooo happy.i kinda miss attending class.miraculously!!i was in a crap mood taday.i got angry so easily.marcus david nathan 'stole' my sweets and i got soo pissed.i was being so childish.and i was never like this before.guess i had a mood swing huh.i was suppose ta go study like with marcus alvin aiken and lee ling.but i din.hahas.was SUPPOSE to.i feel so bad cause i had already promised marcus.oh well.ill join them 2morrow!!hahas.i met shawn taday.almost quarrelled but we're fine now.i haven spoken ta aiken fer like days!=)maybe ill just call him later or something.shaunster smsed me asking how was i.but i din reply.hahas.cause my card is left with like 0 dollars.SORRY!!hahas.well.the start of the week and its turning out like crap already.i don't know whether i could catch up with my studies cause i have been missing out lessons.arggh!all cause of that fat mrs sng.goodness.i could murder her.i just wanna get out of this fuhreaking school.somebody!save my soul or something.shawn sounded pissed when i called him.maybe cause i took sooo long ta call.or maybe just cause he's sleeping and he's in a total bitch mood.oh well.ill just let him nap.hope he'll be fine after that.i asked alvin ta ask lee ling along ta church.i seriously hope that she would come.hahas.praise the Lord.=)im so sick and tired of friendster already.hahas.i miss church.can't wait fer saturday.i'm so afraid i would drift.maybe i need someone ta keep pushing me.im wondering whether i would even be able ta play fer da church.i don't wanna leave God ever again.i just hanged p on aiken.i seriously want to quit.but its just soooooooo hard fer me!gosh.somebody stab me please.i need someone ta encourage me but not pressurize me.keep pushing me.i may even need someone ta pray with me.God.im so sorry.ive been sinning.i broke down on saturady in church.i felt his presence.but here i am smoking away!!i made the effort.really.everytime a voice inside of me says;''diana just buy one pack la.''but luckly i din.im not so stupid to!but ive reduced.but like aikz said.reducing is not quitting.but im making a effort!im trying!!maybe i din try hard enough.goodness.spare me.i don't know what 2 say ta God on saturday.is he still gonna be there fer me or is he giving up?i don'y know.really.argghh!!!goodness.why can;t i be like aiken and alvin.they just gave up like that.to aiken:thanks to you.there's still light,thanks fer sticking with me.thanks fer encouraging me.i needed that.thank you!!im gonna quit!!!slowly.and i don wanna loose my spiritual life.im thinking.and there's a importance in being with a christian.goodness.i dont know what to do.blog ltr.tatas.

patching

2005-03-31T19:49:00.000+08:00

picking up the pieces that have shattered.

hey ppeps.today was an absolutely crappy day.i had like in house suspension.AGAIN!hahas.yepps.after school i met aiken alvin marcus janis and ee lin in da canteen.i was suppose ta be home by 2.30!!!muh mum was gonna kill me.hahas.cause i was grounded,but my chic aiken matthew chia din believe.hahas.oh well.i still left at 3.00.i hope chapel would go smoothly tomorrow as we're playing and i din practise with da band.well.shawn came over.we acted as total strangers.and i felt awkward.i guess we slowly opened our golden mouths and talk things out.we are planning on starting again i guess.we've patched.and im glad.im taking up the challenge of making this relationship beautiful.are you shawn?i hope there won't be anymore misunderstandings and there would be more trust,yeas.shawn hugged me till i almost fell asleep.i cherish every second of it.sleeping in his arms.i would give da world fer that.uh huh.RIGHT!enough.hahas.tomorrow is FRIDAY!yes!!!!!!!im so glad its friday!amen ta that!woo hoo!hahas.see ya peeps.im gonna watch da telly.tatas.=)

2005-03-30T16:09:00.000+08:00

it's over.

heyss.i've broken up with shawn.this time its fer real.now ive ta get busy busy busy.don wanna think about those shitty memories.great.im starting ta tear already.but wait.it hasn't drop yet=).i got so pissed.its time that this whole thing ends.he kept asking me ta sleep.i was like.i told you bitch.and im saying it fer da last time.im not sleeping!like what?are you retarded or something?or are you just slow?arggh.all this time we've been dragging dragging dragging.but i knew both of us saw it coming.we just din accept da fact.like.the relationship is already on da rocks.there's no point.don you get it?everything's fading.everything.everything's different as well.you're not the shawn i use to know.and im not the same person you fell in love with.god!i wanna cry!there's this lump in my throat.but im still controlling.maybe things will turn out fine.i seriously don';t know.oh well.im gonna pray now.
tatas.

2005-03-30T16:03:00.000+08:00

its over.
kiss this shit good bye.
stand up on yer own.
don't you dare drop a tear.
you're on yer own now.
get use ta a new lifestyle.
be strong.

see right through me

2005-03-30T15:35:00.000+08:00

see right through me.

heyys.great.i so seriously feel like crap right now.i've missed school fer like 3 days.but.oh well.im not missing any lessons as i was having this rnr shit.mr kwok said that the more times im absent fer school the rnr would be extended!damn!i hate this school.i really wanna burn it down.im lke so counting dah days when i can leave this junk yard.right.before i get a heart attack or something.shawn just called me.goodness.i haven seen him fer like 2 days.but somehow it seems lke 2 years i guess.kidding!i seriously expected him to come visit me cause im like really sick.but sadly he din.even veronica came ta visit me!but he did not.thinking of it makes me wanna gorge out his eyeballs.I.N.I.T.I.A.T.I.V.E.spell that fer me!well.can't blame him though.he got his stupid rememdial going on.arggh.i so had enough of this study study study crap!it slowly seems as if he does'nt have enough time fer me anymore.well.but again.i can't blame him .he's having his o levels.damn.im so moody right now.i could murder someone.i kinda miss going back 2 class.surprisingly.and im already starting 2 adapt 2 it.which is seriously a good thing!i guess ill be back in school tomorrow.no more staying at home and sleeping da whole day.im waiting fer shawn ta call me.he went ta bath.caught in da rain.what's with da fuhreaking weather?!!!lalala.im feeling so lethargic right now.im like all alone in this house.guess ill blog later.tatas.
signing off.
diana.

whatever

2005-03-29T22:14:00.000+08:00

whatever!

hey guys!its been a long long time since ive blogged yeah?right now.im feeling super emotionless.as in.ive got nothing ta say.ive got this retarded fever taday.i had ta like call my mum ta pick me up from school!hahas.damn i feel like shit.i was really pissed with shawn taday.as in really really pissed.i was EXPLODING!he kinda like scolded me cause i took out my clothe name tag?like who on earth would wanna wear that thing?like he scolded me like i did a huge thing!and worse still.my mood was like serious shit cause i was'nt feeling well already at that point of time.damn.i was sooooooooooooooo pissed you could never have imagined.i practically ignored him when i walked ta school.i just went into dah genernal office without saying bye.cause i was so mad.the best part is he texted me and scolded me again.i was like... shawn?!wad da **** do you want frm me.i practically spat vulgarities at him.but.oh well.
everythings fine now.seriously.i don't talk ta shawn anymore.its like im not part of his life.i don't know why.guess itshis studies.well.i can;t blame him.guess ill be lonely fer a few more weeks.don;t even know whether ill be able 2 celebrat my anniversary.everything seems so messed up right now.celebrating my anniversary has always been an important thing to me.but ill just skip it this month.yea.see ya guys!

im running after you.

2005-03-16T14:38:00.000+08:00

i don't care what people will say.im running after you.

\hey guys.im now in shawn's house.he is this stupid irritating pain in duh arse.hahas.we just had a wrestling match.and he keeps disturbing me.ass.hahas.ill be turning up fer cell group later.alvin's gonna give duh message.duh...im like so fuhreaking tired.will be going out with muh mum fer lunch tamoro.yepps.wanna take a neo print with her as well.hahas.right.let me repeat again.shawn is a pain in the ass.hahas.yea.tatas.see ya.

god.give.me.strength.to.quit.

2005-03-14T18:27:00.000+08:00

Lord i give you my heart.i give you my soul.

hey guys.im now in aiken's house.haven been blogging fer years now.im so excited fer mini cell.yea.aiken is beside me now.my gosh.i feel like slapping him.im like going through a period of temtation.yea.guess i needa pray more than.im so pissed with mum.im so so angry!btw.im gonna quit smoking now.uh huh.im gonna quit.its duh holidays.im so pissed with myself as well.yepps.will blog later or something.tatas.

return.to.me.salvation.

2005-03-11T11:14:00.000+08:00

return to me salvation.

heyss.im at home now.feel like im going through depression.dammit.duh school just called muh mum.told her that i was caught fer smoking again.i got caught fer smoking 2 times in 2 weeks.by the school.i hate mr kwok!that ass poh heng.damn.and today is like my mother's birth day.can yew imagine how guilty i was?my father practically pulled me outta bed.and startd slapping and cursing me.my friends.they don even care what's happening ta me.guess they're not muh real friends afterall.just bastards.i wanna thank aiken like so much.he bothers.he cares fer me.my dad don wan me to ever be in saint hilda's secondary.might be migrating ta australia or someting.i feel so sorry fer shawn.i made him so angry just now.but i can't help it. i was not in a very stable situation just now.and i was'nt emotionally stable as well.i feel so emotionally tired and drained.im just so tired.where's god??i'm sure he's around here.and i know he's gonna help me.he'll be there fer me.i know it.i just know it.
i block every plot of satan against me in jesus name.
amen.

satan!yew can just kiss muh fuhreaking ass!ass hole!

tatas ppl.see ya.

Lord.yew're the purpose in my life.

2005-03-09T22:20:00.000+08:00

heyss ppeps.i just came home.i went fer mini cell just now.studied as well.i gave a message.about us saving people whom don't know jesus christ as well.i guess they enjoyed my message.hahas.i practically studied duh bible.had a little worship moment.hahas.=)shawn said that we're drifting.and he is not really happy about it.so am i.guess its my fault that all this is happening.i've made up muh mind.im getting a new phone.and a new line of course.i don wanna use duh stupid pre paid anymore.hahas.yea.i wanna serve duh Lord whenever i have free time.im praying that ill be able to attend over night prayer.im praying and praying.yepps.hahas.tml!there'll be synergy night.fer no reason?im kinda exicited.hahas.i felt God's presence today while cell.it was strong.i wan shawn to recieve God again.i promise God would help him.carry him through his whole year.im so worried fer him.his studies and stuff.its really bothering me.oh well.i met jeri tadae.at duh canteen.she was playing with muh hair!hahas.like jeri?!!yew think its a hamster or someting huh?hahas.well.she was nice.my gosh.this weekend is gonna be so so busy busy busy fer me.hahas.yea.im thinking of giving a surprise ta shawn.but i shan't write it here.cause he will read it.right shawn?hahas.love yew.yea.muh brother is like pestering to use duh com.like.wth?hahas.well ppl.tatas.see ya.

and oh.
how can i not be moved.
lord here with yew.
so have yer way in me.
cause lord there is just one thing that i will seek.
and that is yew jesus.
amen.

call.me.deeper.

2005-03-09T11:34:00.000+08:00

heyss ppeps.guess where am i now?im in duh fuhreaking school lab!hahas.having poa now.its only 11.40.one and a half more hours ta go.hahas.fuhreako.there's this guy.he scolded me duh 'f' word fer no apparent reason!arggh.he's gonna get it frm me after school.there'll be mini cell taday.im so excited.this week.aiken will be giving duh message.its our first time.i hope it woksout well fer everyone.hahas.there'll only be me aiken and alvin of course.i really ireally wanna bring shanw along.duh fuhreaking mrs sng wants ta see his parents.like?whatever fer?i really pray that he'll study much much harder.im dead worried fer him.really.but i bet he thinks i don't care at all.oh well.ill pray and pray and pray fer him.right.i seriously don know who's gonna be in charge of worship later on.hahas.bet.there will be a good message.see ya ppeps.im going back ta class.

yew're the one that i want.
yew're the one that i need.
yew're the one i love.
cause Jesus yew're everything.
yeah.
hahas
tatas

saturate me

2005-03-07T21:56:00.000+08:00

heyss peeps.i jusy came back home,went ta study.i studied history and social studies fer about an hour and a half?yepps.hahas.muh eyes are swollen.guess i gotta use eye liner tml or something,hahas.after studying.i had vocal lessons with aiken.fer try outs on friday.i think?hahas.yeah.sang a number of songs.he said ive improved.well at least he kinda complimented me.hahas.i laughed till i had stiches today.guess wad ppl?i gotta stand up on my on again.gotta learn ta be independent again.yeah.neway.i m dreaming fer the day i play fer dah church.hope all my loved ones will be there ta see me play.i wanna thank dah Lord fer everyting.im feeling so numb now.i guess i wanna feel numb fer the time being.instead of drowming in mah own tears.uh huh.aiken would come over tomorrow,and we'll start jammin.hahas.he's bringing his guitar i guess.guess i won't be going fer dah synergy night.hahas.yea.see ya ppl.tatas.

saturate me.
call me deeper.
at yer throne i will lay down.
saturate me.
flood muh spirit.
here i stand.
on holy ground.
Jesus.i love yew.
amen.

i wanna ripp yew

2005-03-07T18:05:00.000+08:00

i wanna rip yew apart.
tear yer flesh into pieces.
kick yew in dah freaking face.
go back to wad yew were last time bitch!
what have yew become?
wad is all this fuhreaking emotions doing inside of ya?
it's not suppose to even be there!
why'd yew hate yerselve?!
wad's dah fuhreaking reasons!
why don't yew know!?
why'd yew cut yerselve open!
wad duh hell are yew doing to yer life!
why is there sudden hatred growing in yew?! bitch!
diana!fuck yew!get a life.be who yew use to be.
change yerselve.yew haveGod now.nothing ta be afraid of.

jesus.i.love.yew.amen

2005-03-06T22:25:00.000+08:00

this is my cry.
my one desire.
just to be where yew are Lord.
now and forever.
its more than a song.
my one desire.
is to be with yew
is to be with yew.
jesus.

lalas.

2005-03-06T20:47:00.000+08:00

heyss!i went ta church tadae.with shawny.aiken.yepps.service was tremendously boring today.i almost slept!thank gawd i was talking ta shawn.haahs.yesterdays service was like soooooooo much better.yea.should have brought him fer service yesterday.but he was like err.working.hahas.yes.ill bring him next next week i guess,im sure he'll enjoy it.ill pray fer him.hope that God will touch him.im planning on quitting smoking.this time.im serious.hahas.yea.i know.believe it or not.neway.i have tremendous news!i might be playing the key board fer da church.so fuhreaking excited.going ta try outs this friday.hope the lord will bring me through.uh huh uh huh.im thinking of going ger da over night prayer thingy.yes frm err.12 ta 6 am.ill be going with aiken.coffee please!hahas.right.came home tadae,felt so tired.got a message frm jeri on friendster.hahas.she was like blabbering about my love bite.jeri!like hellllllo!it's gone!hahas.too bad.lalalas.wish yew and mosquito good luck fer life.hahs.there's school tml.bbooooooooorrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnggggggg.i wanna burn down da school.fer some reason.hahas.almost quarrelled with shawn.cause i bought a new pack.and he was so fuhreaking angry!hahas.honey.i so so so sorryhahas.i got caught by school fer possesion of cigarettes.damn.im gonna pray fer that later.hope that it'll never ever happen again.i know its a warning frm God.and i won't ignore it.right.ppl.tat's about it.im gonna take a bath now.hahas.see ya biatch!tatas.

Lord.yew're my tourniquet
yew're my saviour.
it's yew im living for.
i wanna wait till the day i see yew.
yew're the reason i breathe.
jesus.i love yew.
amen.

cry.fer.me

2005-03-03T22:23:00.000+08:00

heyys.this font is huge.hahs.yepps.err.i just came home.hahas.went to study with veronica.we talked alot.i feel so sorry,felt like crying about some stuff she told me.yeah.neway.i split a pack with her.hahas.will have cigarettes tml.im like sooooooo happy can?the school week is like ending tomorrow.hahs.im so glad.yeah.woohoo!hahs.today jeri asked me to watch a movie with her.but i had the fucking r&r thingy,sorry sweetie.hahas.i miss shawn.fer some apparent reason.i wan to fall asleep in his arms every single night.now.i feel secure.waited so long fer this feeling.im happy.and hope we'll be able to last.and no quarrels please!hahas.they had some dumb tai ji in school today.totally stupid.hahas.shawn din wan me to go there and see.think its fer my own safety or something.muh mother saw muh love bite.hahas.she told muh dad.and both of them are like teasing me like crazy about it.irritating couple.hahas.im online now.chatting with veronica.my eye lids are drooping hahas.yepps.i studied today,quite alot.and i feel satisfied.but im kinda dissapointed,cause no one believed that i did.but.oh well.im used to it.hahas.okay peeps.tatas.im gonna watch the telly now.tatas bitches!smootch.[love][diana dorothy dion]as if!haahs[diana]

fuck.yew.right.back.

2005-03-02T18:42:00.000+08:00

heyss!me and shawn has already got over the whole cat fight thing.he explained to me certain things.and i finally realise how stupid i was.we're kinda childish quarelling about this stupid stuff.oh well.i met him today.he looked so tired.i guessed as much.he din sleep last night.i think its because of the fuhreaking quarrel.i looked into his eyes.they carried sadness and hurt.and he was tearing.i felt torn apart.and i wanna promise myself never to make him feel like that again.i wanna make him feel happy.hahas btw.he snatched my prawn crackers just now.he din wanna let me eat.stupid arse.hahas.but in the end.he still let me.hahas.like wad can he do?he can't starve me right?LAMO!hahas.lalas.im so bored.been waiting fer gayathri to write me a testimonial. my gawd!bad news.really really bad news.mr shane kwok poh heng is back from the fucking sec one camp!arggh.and i have pe tomorrow.i think ill just skip tomorrow's pe.ill say i have stomach cramps or something.hahas.i had detention today.i was laughing with marcus like crazy.hahas.yepss.i feel that nowdays.i seldom communicate with denise nor alcin.i understand fer denise as she has her new boyfriend shit thing.but what's with me and alvin?hahas.oh well.i don wanna worry.cause everything will be the same again.hahas.yepps.jeri is soooooooooo sweet!she smsed me today asking how i was.hahas.well.she's such a dear.and guess wad.i wanna go to mango and zara to shop fer tops again.hahas.so excited.i love the drug abuse advertisements.awesome!hahas.yea.i think that's about it.ill blog later.tatas bitches!hahas.

im.covered.in.blood.

2005-03-01T21:04:00.000+08:00

heyss peeps.i just came home.went to meet veronica to pass her her stuff.had a puff with her.came home.and now.im enduring the pain of mutha fucking cramps.fuck.i hate periods.my aunt lost her baby.she cried while telling my mother the news.shucks.i feel so bad fer her.like she lost her fuhreaking baby!and its her first child.im on the phone with shawn now.we quarelled again.cause i played a fuhreaking prank on him.so he got fed up.thanks alot shawn.yew just hangd up the fuhreaking phone on me without even saying good bye.now.he's called back.wad the hell?err.yepps.enough.yepps.he said i don't mean my sorrys.like wad the hell?today.while i was chatting with him on msn.a thought came to mah head.i was thinking.shawn din have his number fer long.like his new number.91731178.but there're numbers of girls.whatever.just sick.im not being sensitive.but shawn.wad the fuck are yew doing?i don even have the slightest idea.i know its not yer fault.but deep down.i know something.yew can't blame my emotions.i don mind that i know.cause i know them..but ppl whom are don't know.i can;t help but feel like this.i know he wont like how im feeling.he may not even understand.but i want to tell him to ask himself.wad if something like this happen to him as well?maybe its just best to let him go.i'm a really sensitive person.i don think he can take this ''nonsense''.yea.we'll see bout it.oh well.the relationship is on the rocks already.just wad i expected.he's angry.he can continue fuming fer all i care.cause my emotions are running wild inside me.and i don see the point of bothering anymore.cause it will still be my fault.oh.well.neway.i had r&r today.how fucking lame.but there were cool ppl.like jessilyn.sharon.marcus.and of course me!hahas.there's this super retarded guy as well.after r&r i went to smoke with jessilyn.den i met shawn.he was so sweet.hahas.he made me smile.he was the only only one i gave a genuine smile too.who could make me smile like i was a little girl.i love him.hahas.then i went home.and blah blah blah.yes.now i totally feel like shit.but oh well.nothing new.
tatas,gtg,see ya bitches.

i.hate.myself.so.much

2005-02-28T21:43:00.000+08:00

heyss.im blogging again.i hate myself.don't know wad's wrong with me.guess im alone again.i may just have to get used to tha feeling i guess.arggh.shit.
im.so.tired.of.being.here.
so.tired.of.all.this.childish.feelings.
and.if.yew.wish.to.leave.
i.wish.tat.yew.would.just.leave.
yer.presence.still.lingers.here.
and.it.won't.leave.me.alone.
this.wounds.won't.seem.to.heal.
this.pain.is.just.too.real.
there's.just.too.much.that.time.cannot.erase.

i'm.drowning.in.my.own.tears.

2005-02-28T17:09:00.000+08:00

heyss.just came home.chatting with jeri on msn now.hahas.been a long time.shawn's angry with me.cause he wants me to quit smoking.and he din wan me to get a new pack.but i did.i split with alvin.i sould have told him the truth.i knew i did.i knew it all along.but i lied.till he checked my bag.and found the fuhreaking cigarettes.i feel so guilty.i cried in the cab just now.came home and washed my face.still look like shit.its my fault.and im crying.pathetic me.idin dare to chat with him on msn.afraid to answer his call.and i din wanna reply his messages.something in me feels that im not worthy.maybe i really am not worthy.great.tears are falling.i don wanna lie ta him anymore.swear.neway.i don wanna talk about this.denise has a love bite!finally!hahas.im so happy fer her.i almost popped a champagne or something.hahas.its news flash.yeah.my mums back frm aust.i missed her.she bought me this loreal make up kit.its awesome!its a edition that singapore does'nt have.yes yes yes!hahas.yeah yeah yeah.enough crap.aiken was hilarious today!hhas.he was talking about s.r nathan and bush.hahas.i almost fell off my chair laughing.i have serious serious cramps now
its killing me.gtg.tatas.

before.i.stab.yew.get.out.of.muh.fucking.sight.

2005-02-26T00:11:00.000+08:00

my gawd.im dying of boredom here.goodness.just came home.imdead beat.just wrote denise a testimonial.yepps.i wanna upload all my photos on friendster!i got new ones.and shawn is sending them over now.hahas.yea.today.i went to watch white noise.it was kinda interesting?but kinda spooky as well.hahas.like wad'd'ya expect!its a horror movie.like duh!hahas.yeas.i met sue maine fer dinner after that.catched up alot.hahas.yea.had steak at tm.den we went to take a neo print?yea.it was gorgeous.i met alvin and denise after tat.with shawn of course.we had a beer.talked smoked.ate.den we came over here.don wanna taked about what happened.too devastating fer me.hahas.yea.and now.im here.i'm so bored.k people.ill blog tomorrow.see ya!tatas.smootch.

2005-02-23T23:27:00.000+08:00

hey peeps!gues who's back?sorry i din like blog yesterday.i was drunk.again.and i had a hang over this morning.again.yepps.today is just this really bad day fer me.i had a fever in the morning.so i went home to napp.den i went out to smoke with shawn.den i gawt like scolded for being out so long.but guees wad?i could'nt freaking care less.yea.i met alvin and aiken outside my house they were like smoking and talking about ritz carlton.i met them fer like ten mins?hahas.den i went back to my house.gawd.this is terribly boring fer me.im nawd going ta school tml.feel sick.i had a quarrel with shawn again.wad's new?and we practically hang up on each other.i wanna talk to him.but.oh well.guess i won;t be talking to him tonight.ill most probably not sleep.gosh.i miss my parents.yepps.ill just wait fer their return.*yawns*sue maine called me today.i was so lethargic.i just could'nt speak to her.denise has something going on but she din want me ta know?she thought i would get pissed?but i already knew it.but i was emotionless.i was bothered a little.why din she wanna be honest?im a friend.and will support her in any way.no matter wad her decision is?why would she think ill get angry?gawd.this whole thing is just practically stupid.and not fergetting crazy.shawn has'nt called me yet.maybe he won't.but this is not entirely my fault.alvin and i had this whole bitching thing going on.im sick of it.shawn shawn shawn.please please please call me!im waiting....i wanna upload those pictures i took in sentosa.they're just gorgeous.ill upload them soon.yepps.i going off now.see ya bitches.

been.through.a.moment.of.hell.

2005-02-21T21:36:00.000+08:00

my gawd ppl.i haven't been like blogging fer like ages.yesterday.i was like fuhreaking drunk.yea.had a hang over.but it din matter anyway.i made like a compromise with shawn.he's like really trying his best.i can see.i don't know whether its like difficult fer him.but i seems like.but.is it so difficult?im like beeing so selfish.im so tired.just had a puff.felt so good.i have been coughing lately.but...who cares?yea.today like after school.i went home ta change.den i went to tm with kaimana.we had pastamania.we kinda talked alot.mostly crap.hahas.had fun with her.haven seen her fer like?err.forever?finally met up with her.den i meet shawn.he was like ultra sweet today?but i liked it.i mean.i love it!hahas.we finally din quarel!den i came home.felt so dead.i din feel like chatting with anyone on line.except shawn.he's the only person i open upp to i guess.he's been there fer me.really.yea.my tan line is going off.i needa get a tan soon .hahas.so im gonna call sue maine soon.i kinda told alvin off.and i din care.cause i was so sick of it.he can hate me .but it does'nt concern me.my grandma is blabberng on the fuhreaking phone.like.get off the phone bitch!i miss my parents.badly.yea.im gonna stop here.see ya bitches

dedicating.

2005-02-04T16:29:00.000+08:00

oh my gawd.im now at home.kinda grounded.but im still going out anywayss.yepps.mumsy fetched me home today.yepss.i hate it when she does.she just wanna show me that shes in control.but.like whatever!yew know yew're not in control!maybe she is.hahas.sometimes.today after school.i met alvin.went to smoke.as usual.hahas.and i met kaimana!hahas.its been so long since ive seen her.hahas.kinda miss her that bitch.din call me fer years man she.shit.hahas.i had a little tiff with shawn.but all is fine.hes now like sleeping.alvin just came.and hes blabbering about his dandruff!im like shut up now!hahas.neway.im going to have piano lessons from this fat bitch.shes the new tutor.hahas.k guys.will blog later.see ya.

the.funeral.of.my.rose.

2005-02-03T22:41:00.000+08:00

heyss.i just came home.feeling like shit.my dad slapped me.just because i skipped school.tat mother fucking mr yeoh just had to called them.he should just burn in fucking hell.i wanna leave this place.seriously.i wan some one to like fucking take me away.i was praying just now.like crazy.in months.i havent done tat.all the fucking lies i said and all.but.guess wad?god was nt there.as usual.he always is nt.fuck fuck fuck!i hate my life!i hate my self!i hate this place.fuck everyone!fuck all of yew.just fucking burn in hell!ass holes.

yew.reign.victorious

2005-02-03T11:02:00.000+08:00

heys.i skipped school today.cause i was so dead tired.im now in veronicas house smoking.i ponned with her.we talked about alot of stuff.we talked about shawn.and cigarettes.hahas.but i shared alot of stuff with her.stuff with ive never opened up to any one before.and i feel great.cause i had some one to open up to.i trust her.hahas.and i think she trusts me as well.she told alot of things.hahas.yepps.shawn is furious with me cause i din go ta school.im sorry.i always make him angry and pissed and so friggin worried bout me.so sorry.but this will be the last time.i promise.guess fer the rst of the day.ill be facing his attitude.i can see.he's so angry with me.ill probably catch a movie later.i wanna watch shall we dance.don think ill be getting a mc.ill just write a parents letter.yepps.oh gawd.im so bored.alvin is like fer ever ditching us.tasts wad i hate about him.but.oh well.hes but best sista.so i goota accept him.furthermore.this year is his n levels.i should encourage him to go school.im afraid shawn would fail his o levels.i dunh wanthim too.cause i know how it feels like.and the feeling totally sucks like fuckim lighting another cigateeter now.i dun wanna quarrel with shawn.maybe ill start to give in.dun wanna affect his studies.later.ill most probably have dinner with aiken.hahas.the boredom is killing me.hahas.shawn will most probably like give me an attitude fer the rest of the day.maybe i just deserve it.cause i made him so angry.okay peeps.see ya.wll blog again later.tatas

never.been___dissed

2005-02-02T21:30:00.000+08:00

heyss.im back.kinda pissed.i think hes having a mood swing again.so tired of it.like i did anything wrong?gawd.he said he was not having a attitude.maybe i was too sensitive?i dunno.i just dun wanna quarrel anymore.sorry shawn.im not perfect.see ya guys. tatas

Finish each day and be done with it.
Yew have done what yew could ;some blunders & absurdities have crept in ;
Forget them as soon as yew can.
tomorrow is a new day; yew shall begin it serenely ,
and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with yer own nonsense.

defining.myself

2005-02-02T20:54:00.000+08:00

character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.
Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened,ambition inspired.
And succes achieved.

i .am.not.alone

2005-02-02T20:47:00.000+08:00

oh my gawd.im dying of boredom!i wanna go out!i just had a arguement with my dad over smoking.how lame.chinese new year is like coming.and i haven bought my clothes yet.guess gotta rush sia.shawn said he'll call me when he reach hme.but instead he fell asllep.well.as usual.i just had my dinner.feeling tremendously bloated now.feel like smoking.maybe later.i wanna pon tml?with alvin.maybe ill call him later?to comfirm.cause thursdays sucks!but i doubt shawn will allow?he always does'nt like it when when i skip school.but.oh well.ill talk him out of it.i deleted him from my friendster.cause i din wanna have any ways to view his profile.it might cause a misunderstanding again.and i kinda dread going into friendster after tat fucked up incident.i might be having dinner with aiken tomorrow!weeeeeeee.im so excited!=)well.seriously.im kinda writing rubbish now.cause im so bored.i wanna get make up.im running out of it.AGAIN!hahas.yea.i gtg.maybe ill come back later.see ya.

kiss

2005-02-02T17:58:00.000+08:00

point yer lashes down
and yew can picture my face__
im smiling....

open yer mouth,speak with yer heart
and yew can see my soul__
im waiting...

place yer arms around me
and yew can embrace my uncertainty__
im shaking...

press yer lips against mine
and try to catch me__
im falling...

ive.been.living.a.lie.theres.nothing.inside.

2005-02-02T17:46:00.000+08:00

heys.today we had cross country run?it was fucking lame can?my gawd.i was like taking a stroll down orchard road or something.i was walking althe way.we were like walking in a dessert.felt so de hydrated.hahas.and natasha was like posing as mark!hahas.wad the hell?hahas.it was hilarious.i was laughing till i had stiches.and she was practically showering us with her mineral water larr.hahas.den we finally reached.before tat.i went to the bus stop opposite school to meet alvin and denise.we went to smoke.and i saw shawn!hahas.he took a stick frm me and we went there together.ahter the retarded cross country run.we went to smoke.as usual!hahas.den we went natashas house to eat.shawncame to meet me at natashas house.den we went to my place.slacked all the way.was suppose to meet my friends fer dinner.but they were all sleeping.oh well.ill just stay hme den.i tore my pe shirt while climbing over my gate!like?wad the hell?hahas.i just came back from smoking.hahas.there was this fucking guy?he asked me fer a stick of cigarette.i said i din have any.den he and his friends asked me to go into their house to smoke?i was like.fuck off!den shawn came and they just went inside.hahas.i could see shawn was kinda pissed?guess he was jealous.hahas.just hanged up on shawn.he wants me to quit smoking?maybe i will.MAYBE.yepps.im so bored.okay.im gonna play the piano.see ya.later!tatas.

miss.sunshines.back

2005-02-01T22:00:00.000+08:00

heys.i just came back.went out with alvin 2 have dinner.we had black pepper crab.and pork and rice.it was awesome!=)hahas.
neway.shawn and i are fine now.we kinda cleared the whole fucking misunderstanding.ive learnt to trust him morecause i love him sooooosoooosoooooooooo much.hahas.*blush*.my mum was nagging at me.saying that i often get mood swings.hahas.she said tat whenever i have mood swings she knows that i had arguement with shawn.hahas.such a slut huh.today at the coffeeshop,while we were eating.three guys were staring at me.i was like yucks!how disgusting larr.like eeewwllll!!!hahas.i was like:stop staring at me!hahas.
alvin and i were like making fun of a guy lke crazy.he was smoking a cigarette and he was doing '0's form the cigarette.he purposely wanna show off wan lehh.i was so fed up.so we lit a cigarette and our o was perfect.hahas.especially alvins.guess he got a shock outta his life!LOSER!tats bout it though.im signing off now!love yew guys!see ya.and.....fuck off!kidding.see ya.

i put on a smile when i need to.but its all temporary.

2005-02-01T18:47:00.000+08:00

im like crying now.i dont know wad to do.i wanna talk to someone.but i cant.i wanna forget this.but it just keeps lingering in my head.i wanna hold yew.but the feeling is different.maybe its time we should let go.i wanna thank yew fer everything.

my god my tourniquet

2005-02-01T17:43:00.000+08:00

hey.today really sucks.i was almost late fer school.i had this terrible night mare yesterday night.dreamt of shawn leaving me.i was scared outta mah wits!gawd damn it.i kinda cried yesterday.and this morning when i woke up.my eyes were completely.and i mean fucking swollen!i sooo horrendous.im now learning how to let go.i dont wanna be so sensitive anymore.it brings me slot of pain and sometimes hatred.towards myself and other ppl perhaps.yesterday.i had a quarrel with him again.i felt so lost.i was angry.but i dont what i was angry about and at who.the feeling was so miserable.i couldnt take it.so i cried.like crazy.i had a talk with a friend.he gave me some advise.he said.the less yew care.the lesser hurt yew'll recieve.i think its better fer shawn as well?cause i know sometimes hes kinda pissed.to me,he look tired.hes like drained out.maybe its seriously better fer him.today i met him?we acted like friends.which was funny.and i dun seem to like it.but i had to live with it.damn!fcuk my live.its so sick.i gave him something.i hoped he liked it.gosh.talking bout his makes me wanna cry now.but i dun wan to anymore.newaes.today i just found out that vivien and pei wen smokes!like... wad the hell?that liar.hahas.so i gtave each of them a stick.marlboro menthol lights.den i went to natasha's hse.we slacked and smoked.was with denise and alvin.den denise went home.we had nuggets.and i met shawn.we acted like strangers.later i went home.and im here now!hahas.k.ill blog later again!gtg.see ya.

2005-01-31T19:09:00.000+08:00

heyss.todays dah first day!hahas.so excited.it was soo soo fucking terrible at school today.i went to 832 that junk yard to smoke with shawn before coming to school.at least i felt better though.and i had a whole day of class.mother tongue was dah best!i cud use me phone to text like no bodys freaking business!the teacher was like soo freaking blind or something!eric was as usual hilarious,i laughed at every freaking thing he said.after mother tongue i went to the toilet to smoke.i did it fast.i think i broke my record.it was like err.less then a minute?smokers out ther!yew guys should really try ultra menthol lights.it has quite a pleasant taste.the ohly thing is that its lighter.i mean like duh!okay.this is like so outta the point.i came back and had chemistry.den during english!it was hell1i totally had a huge cat fight with shawn about some rubbish.it was so fucked up.i hate that feeling.but when i saw him in the canteen he actually smiled at me!hahas.awesome.den he bought me sweets and a bottle of water.sweet huh.the day went on like crap.i met alvin after school to fag.as usual.and he was blabbering about his day in school.its his daily routine though.den we went back to school.cause i gotta see that fat guy felix yeoh!i hate him!hes gonna make me stay back like fer dah whole week fer two hours!but thank gawd marcus will be with me.after that rubbish i met shawn den we went to buy this awesome bag!i totally love it!hahas.we had a stick den we came back to my place.we were slacking and laughinh.hes soooooooooooo sweet.later li yan and pei wen came over.hahas.i became a tourist aroud my house.we all felt awkward.but then in the end.we acted like we had 10 years of friendship!hahas.they watched me smoke and we had a little chit chat.they're sooo nice!damn it.shawns com is like fer ever breaking down!hahas.my mum is like laughing her ass off now!hahas.because my form teacher called her and complained that i ran away from his so called ''punishment''i lied that i had to work.hahas.dumb ass.oh well.i gtg have dinner mum's waiting fer me.see ya.